


The Norm Followed to the Letter

by puddingparamour



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Attempt at Humor, Congratulations if you read these tags because it's almost 1am and they make no sense, Dysfunctional Family, Epistolary, F/F, F/M, Healthy Relationships, Letter Story, Letters, M/M, Politics, Romance, Sarcasm as a form of wit, Trans Character, mtf, she's a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 22:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14882033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puddingparamour/pseuds/puddingparamour
Summary: Here are the letters of a young, 'Prince', and though some are never sent and some are, appreciate her attitude and sarcasm as she writes these letters to people she's supposed to care about but doesn't, and those she's not supposed to love but does. And, you know, the other ones in that weird grey area.





	1. Dear Queen

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty terrible, enjoy as you will.

Dear Queen,

I suppose you will want an explanation for why I ran off so suddenly. Well, it was kind of the heat of the moment. I never meant to be so bad to you, the one thing I swore that I would never do. You see, I was banished. Now I can finally go on as I am. Female. Yep, that shit actually happened. We've cut off contact for years now, but I'm not lying. No, I am not playing along with the rumors that were spread by the _guards_  of all people. You would think that it'd be the maids. Well you see, mother, they sleep in close quarters. By now I think that we should all just be glad that they haven't let something if international importance slip out. Forget national, they brought out a whole new level. Well, since I am unable to send this letter to you, as you're currently locked up in a tower somewhere, just-kidding-I-know-exactly-where-it-is- AHEM!!! Anyway... so. How's life been treating you past the whole locked up in a tower by your jealous husband thing you've got going on? I mean, come on, you didn't even sleep with the guy. And it wasn't your fault that I took after you in looks, and that the king (no, I still will NOT call him my father), was so swamped in paperwork that he neglected the household. I haven't seen you in years, so I can't really be overly selective about what I write down. Nice... talk(?), enjoy growing out your hair! I promise that I will be back someday, now, adieu to you!

Lovingly,

Emma

(That's what I'm going by now, since it **DOES** mean universal. Hey, I'm classy af.)


	2. Dear King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, she's gonna reveal to her father that the one magician that does gender changes is charging him the fee. It's not as if they can undo it now.

Dear King,

By now I suspect that you have heard of my... current delicate situation. I'm going to get to the point that you want to talk about. The billings for the switch was sent to you on purpose. Pay it or be cursed. I say it like that because apparently since I am now physically of the female variety, people think my personality has changed. Yep, because it sooooo works that way. I still despise you for locking mum up in the tower. So what if you caught her in bed with her head of guard? It's not as if they actually  _did_ anything. He was only comforting your crying wife. You know, like you never did! It would be nice if I could doubt my parentage. It would clear up on the fact that you ignored me and basically pretended I didn't exist. Thank god I am not the firstborn nor was I **born** a female. Arranged marriages and taking over the kingdom. Sounds like fun! To choose between that and dying, time to sprint towards the white light! Or maybe in my case, dash down the stairs into the red-glowing pit. Haha, not my time yet. Oh yeah, here's the, oh, I dunno, three hundred fifty two year old scroll you wanted. I would deliver it in person, but you know... You **_exiled_** me! Just don't blame me when it gets lost in the mail. Like that brooch that mother sent me for keepsakes got 'lost' in the mail. Yep, I'm sure that's why I saw your favorite mistress wearing it. As if she would lower herself to go to the part of the castle where the "lost in the mail" things are put when the people who deliver the mail can't find recipient. Sometimes (meaning all. The. Time.) I don't get your tastes. Sure, she's nice to look at, I'll give you that. But there's not much else going for her. She can be evil, and not the good kind of evil either. What I mean by that is that she's as dumb as a rock (I'm sorry for that insult my rockian friends, just an expression), and somehow thinks that black makes her look good. It's really not her color, and the lacing makes her look a bit chubby. And she just doesn't have the brains to be anything other than cliche. I mean, have you heard her cackle? Think on it for a while, you're the one stuck with her, farewell to you.

Hopefully gone forever,

Emma/Erwin


	3. Dear Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Family Positions made clear.

Dear Edwin,

I know that you're my oldest brother, but it's a shame that you're going to become king. Your wife would make a much better ruler than you. To be fair, she probably will be the controlling strings behind the crown, considering how steamrolled you are. Is that the right phrase? Eh, who cares, and who knows! I certainly don't! Enough talk about us, I have a serious favor to ask of you. Make sure that Mistress #1 actually succeeds in killing off the king. Remember that time I entered the barn and later exited the barn with a whole lot of blackmail? It was on you, or have you forgotten the beloved F? Does your wife even know that you're into guys, or has it just not been a topic of interest. Even though she came to me. Crying. Asking if she's undesirable. The week after your wedding night. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that it still hasn't happened. So, I hear you are looking to adopt? Also, could you un-exile me? I still have a ton of things left in the kingdom to take care of. Like making sure that Frederick doesn't blackmail you into submission. Again. You set yourself up for a whole lot of blackmailing on that fateful Tuesday. I've always hated Tuesday. I'm actually sending this one, so be the person I always knew you weren't and comply with your newfound little sister's wishes. Make your wife happy, too, and bring back her living diary that she speaks into.

See you soon,

Emma


	4. Dear Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Venting at it's finest. Also, new lore I guess.

Dear Tuesday,

Thanks a lot for all of the trouble you've created for me. Don't even try to pretend otherwise. It's always been your day of the week that I get so much trouble from. So far we have:

  * Blackmail
  * Exile
  * Mother's Imprisonment
  * My Imprisonment
  * The Dowager Queen's Death
  * My Near Death By Poison
  * The Mistress' New Brooch
  * Esmie's Containment Within the Castle



I'm telling you Tuesday, most of the main points in my life that are bad happened on your day. I know it's a shared responsibility between the seven of you Wekdles, but come on! Do you draw the bad happenings in a lottery?! Is it rigged for mine to happen on Tuesday?! I am voicing my complaints. And guess what? I hope that this gets to you on a Tuesday!

With Much Complaint,

Emma


	5. Dear Esmerelda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Formal(does this even apply?) introduction of Love Interest.

Dearest Esmeralda,

I hope you are well, and that Edwin is treating you amicably. Do you remember our favorite mistress? The King's favorite. What was her name again... oh, right! It was something like Pearl or Garnett. Some gem of sorts. Well, I overheard her talking to her lapdog... again... about poisoning the king, the day before I was exiled. Make sure she goes through with it. Start spreading rumors and such about him replacing her or something. Remember those secret passages I showed you where we caught Edwin pawing at one of the kitchen boys? I suspect you do. I'm going to somehow sneak into the kingdom. Don't worry about the how. Meet me by the old oak we used to climb. The code is "pelt the acorns". Remember that, for we will need some sort of confirmation. When we meet, make sure to remember to bring the satchel. Sorry about the delay, my princess, but my exile _kind of_ put a _bit_ of a wrench in our plans for your escape. Ah, just think! Your containment within the castle is finally coming to an end. I apologize for the treaty marriage that was forced upon you, my love. And all of the acting that you have had to do over the years. And to think that I still have some of the most important blackmail on my brother, and your falsified husband. It was ingenious of you to replace your name in your formal language. And better yet, the priest didn't even REALIZE! Now, my gorgeous Esteqiweth queen, we can leave, like we always wanted. Sorry if my letter isn't as full of laughs as it usually is, but I don't want to wait to see you again.

Losing patience in the wait,

Emma


	6. Dear Esmeralda Part Two: Return

Dearest Emma,

I've missed you these months. I can't wait to escape from this place we once explored. I also can't wait to get away from my so-called husband. It's going to be great when I can once again run free with my shoes off. It's just so restricting here, I feel as if I can't breathe half the time. More like all of the time. Yes, of course I remember those places. That passageway incident was after the marriage. By the way, I saw a letter that you wrote to your brother. Did you have to include those parts about my wedding week? Never mind, I just read over it again, and it makes me seem even less likely to leave this dreaded place. He is kind of steamrolled, actually. Just not by me. His dearest Freddie should take that place, and I am still a bit annoyed by F's walk. You know the way he strides as if the entire world is in his hands, and he could crush it at any given moment. I have sent you a layout of the castle enclosed with the letter, along with instructions on getting into this prison. I miss your thinly veiled insults directed at any one of high standing. It's unfortunate that your brother refused to end your banishment. It would have been lovely to have you back. But, it's going to be even more lovely to see you outside of here.

With all of my love,

Esmeralda


	7. Dear Guard #29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, Guard #29 gets ahold of the plans, and after having to switch it up a bit, Emma ends up sending a letter to them.

Dear Guard #29,

You gossip too much. You're the reason our plan almost didn't work. I feel like sending this letter, but will not, as receiving a death threat from me over paper is not as memorable as receiving it in person. Well, I've already done the latter anyway, so maybe it doesn't really matter all that much. Well, I suppose you should know that your "harmless" gossiping was really harmful to breaking Esmie out of that prison you fools call a castle. She was meant to run wild and free, not calmly, with little emotion, embroider her life away. I'm sorry, but you saying that she was "suited" to living the latter life was like saying that I would be welcomed back by all with their arms open and a welcoming smile upon their faces as they greet me at the castle gates. Sorry about the long simile, but I'm kind of currently being rushed here! Now, I've enclosed a sketch of what your corpse will look like if I go through with my death threat. Well, if I even have a reason to go through with it. Don't show it to any children, a few of them don't deserve to be scarred for life. But please, show it to your wife. Just make sure to cook her dinner afterwards. If not, she could always just mangle your body into said position for me. She really is a lovely woman. Who owes me a couple of favours. Well, I've got to go. Enjoy the rest of your possibly short life!

With death threats,

Emma


	8. Dear Georgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actual family that Emma gets along with? Not quite so preposterous as one might think...

Dearest Sister,

I assure you, I am fine. Wait, I know, you're never going to get this. Don't be calm when you talk to the king. He responds much better to yelling, apparently. I mean, he does do that himself. Give what you get, and make sure to threaten him with so many threats that he's cowering in the corner. You can be a serious force of nature when you want to be. I may or may not be about to ask you for yet another favor. Never mind! I know how big of a risk it was to help me get Esmie out of that place you used to call home. Shame you had to go back to your doting husband. Who's like, thirty years older than you. I know, I know, I'm exaggerating. Again. But he does look the part. Okay, I'll shut up now. Anyway, how's your life? Good, I hope you enjoy living in happily married bliss. Also, now that I have had a little wait... (PRETTY PLEASE WAGE WAR THROUGH YOUR HUSBAND ON YOUR FATHER'S KINGDOM) what was it again... (PRETTY PLEASE WAGE WAR THROUGH YOUR HUSBAND ON YOUR FATHER'S KINGDOM). I would love it if you did so. Eternally grateful for the (somewhat) implied request up above.   
You know, could you please please please help me with this? I will owe you a life debt. So will Esmie. Oh shit, she was looking over my shoulder when I wrote that. Never mind about her life debt, just mine. Twice. Along with several favors. Please. I will let you masquerade me as one of your new ladies in waiting that are eligible for marriage. This is how desperate I am. Blegh. Sorry, but I just can't stand changing how I am... especially after those mistresses of the king. They changed themselves into basically carbon copies of each other to please him. Eh, each to their own. Sis, if you do end up doing this, please know that I love you.

Your currently terrified of the future sister,

Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're still reading this. Thanks.


	9. Dear Georgia Part Two: Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So _so_ brief, I'm afraid.

Dear Emma,

Fine. I will get him to wage war. You owe me in an utmost serious sense now.

From your _beloved_ older sister,

Georgia


	10. Dear Timothy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some kind of Stiffy Stiff words flowed from Emma's pen somehow.

Dear Timmy,

I know that you never liked it when I called you that. But I believe that there is a certain amount of closeness that comes when one marries another's sister. You are one, I am another. Please do not take any offense. I mean it as an endearment. Also meaning please keep reading this letter. Thank you greatly for waging war upon your wife's maiden country. Just know that you have my blessing. Yes, I heard the news. Congratulations on the new progeny. Make sure to tell your wife (my dearest sister) that I said so. Also, thanks for making me the godfather along with being an uncle. I know that you two were trying to keep it a secret, but really. Your spies know next to nothing compared to me. Just so you know. I have a good portion of your capital under my control. Just so you're not worried, I don't go against my family that is tolerable. Meaning you're one of the privileged few to have me on their side. Just treat Georgia like you are right now, and it'll all be fine. Just trust me on this. She's very happy with you, may even love you, and I am happy about that.  
Anyway, back to the war. I am on your side for this. I feel like my father and my country deserves it. It's going to be sweet, sweet revenge when I reject them when they come begging for my help in the war. I do hope that you're doing alright. I suggest that you go for around the walls rather than trying to break through it. It may look impressive, but once you finish chipping away at the wall, your men will be exhausted. It is several yards thick. Just take the mountain path that's around the back of the castle. You know, once you get there.  
By the way, could me and Esmie (the supposed wife of Edwin) have sanctuary at your castle? She was impregnated by me while I was still physically a male, I want her to be as safe as possible. I need her, and I don't want to lose her. It would tear me apart. I don't care if I have to serve in the war as a soldier or an officer, please. 

Please answer soon,

Emma


	11. Dear Timothy Part Two: Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Timmy replies.

Dear Emma,

I will provide sanctuary at the castle. I will request information about your kingdom when you get here. Sidenote: If I hadn't promised and provided you sanctuary, Georgia would have had my head. I will request the information once you arrive, and once you two have been settled in as well. I am pleased with your offer, and I understand your situation. I'm happy for _your_ new progeny. Thank you for the congratulations on my little child. I can't wait for the both of them to be born! They shall grow up together. Ah, how lovely. I've always wanted a house full of children. You can stay after the war, as well. Provided that this war ends before our deaths. Hopefully, it does. I feel like this is a blessing. Good luck with dealing with _your_ pregnant soon-to-be wife. And you better marry her. Or I will force you to. I know the formal language of Esteqiweth, and I had a good view of the certificate when she signed. Very clever, not putting her name. I will have the priest ready by the time you get here.

Sincerely,

King Timothy


	12. Dear King; Letter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO YEAH SHE'S A TAD BIT SALTY

Dear King,

So, I heard that you were searching for me. Well, you're not going to find me, and even if you do, I'm definitely not going to go willingly. My beautiful Esmie is almost six months along now, and she needs me, her wife, to be there for her. I have found sanctuary in the kingdom you're currently warring against, and I hope that you lose the war. It would be so convenient for me, if you don't mind. I'm also finished with my spying. I shall never work for a king to corrupt another king again. Also, just so you know, the fact that my newfound home kingdom is winning the war may or may not be because of me. The fact that they broke mother out of her tower, and the ex-head of guard out of the cells also may or may not be because of me. Kind of a shame, though. They were never romantically involved, but they are both so in love with each other. The fact that you stopped true love over something so petty as jealously is despicable.

Also, I'm glad to hear that Edwin was finally blackmailed into marriage by Frederick. You know,  the fact that the court and kingdom is falling to pieces without me gone is kind of funny. Good to know I was needed while I was there. I'm unlikely to ever see you again, which is a lovely concept on it's own, but then when you add in my pregnant wife and my child... I've been in the clouds since I got here, and I knew that Esmie was as safe as possible. You shall never be able to use my services again. Such a lovely thought. Well, king, please don't answer me. Better yet, die in the war and let Frederick take over. He'd do a way better job than some old man who's living off of lies saying that everything's perfectly fine.

Goodbye for life,

Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honohonhonohonohn  
> *laughs in French*


	13. Dear Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little cutsie cute letter written by a stressed-out Emma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh probably my favorite chapter.

Dear Tables,

Please do not continue to have it in for my beloved Esmie. She's pregnant, about six months along, and she is currently still a bit off-balance. Also, I honestly wouldn't put it past her at the moment to burn every single last table on the continent if this continues. Then where shall we dine? Anyway, back to the reason for this letter. That I am vent-writing. Well, not a new one, but still. To my concerns. She keeps running into tables and smashing her feet and toes into the legs. I am getting kind of worried. I hope she doesn't fall. She is always...

_B_ l _u_ r _r_ e _d l_ e _t_ t _e_ r _s h_ e _r_ e _, s_ o _m_ e _t_ h _i_ n _g_   _a_ b _o_ u _t '_ t _w_ o m _o_ s _t p_ r _e_ c _i_ o _u_ s _,_ '

...anyway, I am really worried about her and she better not get hurt otherwise my heart won't be able to take it.

Very concerned,

Emma


	14. Dear Edwin; Letter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly hostile letter to brother.

Dear Edwin,

I hope this finds you well. Congratulations on your marriage *cough cough thanks to blackmail cough cough* to Fredrick. He seems like he would be good for the country. He will make a good 'consort'. Just kidding. He's going to make a good person-who's- _actually_ -in-charge. Suits you, right? Going from one future steamroller to another, you unlovable steamrollee. ~~Thankfully~~ Unfortunately, the king is dead. I'm going to despair uncontrollably over his death. NOT!

My wife is now eight months pregnant. Want to wish me a happy life? No? Well, right back at you! Enjoy life without him. I know I will. I'm not coming back, exiled as I am and all. It puts a bit of a damper on my plans of running into the-country-that-hated-me's open arms. Not that I want to, of course, but still. I need I hug occasionally. Even me, I know. _Such_ a shocker. By the way, I still despise you. However, enjoy life as king. Better you than me.

Still full of loathing,

Emma


	15. Dear Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happier letter.

Dear Mom,

I'm glad that I've finally gotten a chance to talk to you and grow closer. Unfortunately, because of how the war is getting closer to home, it is no longer safe for you to be here. I'm sending this letter with Esmie, with hopes that you arrive safely at the country house. I'm really happy for your relationship with John, but be careful. The both of you are currently wanted by your ex. Shocker, I know. What a shame, what a shame, that he can't just let you go. Looks like he wants his most prized possession back after all. Also, don't trust any of the little shits that will try to betray you for the prize money. Luckily, Esmie isn't along far enough to be worried about giving birth on the child. Only the early eighth month.

Ah, I still can't believe that you were at my wedding! Wasn't it beautiful? It was, wasn't it. No disagreements. The world isn't ready for our child, though. I fear that multiple people will faint by the end of her education. She's going to be pretty and smart, just like Esmie. I know it. We also agree that it's a girl. Fallon sounds like a nice name, does it not? It does. So, how was your ride? You don't have to send a detailed reply, I just need to know if the four of you are safe. Sorry that the whole move was a bit rushed, but the soldiers are starting to get tired, even though we're winning the war by about 40%.

I miss you both already,

Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my last part of the story for quite some time, I'm very busy currently and can barely get a moment to myself.


End file.
